They came like the Vikings, at dusk and completely without warning. They employed every trick in the book and showed no respect whatsoever for the customs or restraints which characterize Christian civilization. They killed indiscriminately and without mercy nor regard to age, sex, or station. In the last week they have cost me five of my beautiful Speckled Sussex hens. We are used to the depredations of Raccoons and the odd Hawk, but Weasels are different. They kill for the sheer joy of killing and leave the foulest mess. For four nights running they have been in the area, and they show no sign of leaving voluntarily. How I miss faithful Pat the white hound in situations like this, but he is gone, and it is time to take action if my laying flock is to survive.
As I considered how to deploy my resources to meet this latest invasion, my thoughts naturally turned to the wisdom of the past. When I was at the Military Academy many years ago, we studied both the British response to the insurgency in Malaysia and the French and American response to the situation in Vietnam. And then there were all of those graduate studies in early English history from the late Roman period through the Wessex monarchy under Alfred. Could it be that finally, I had found real use for my studies? And so I employed my vast lack of experience and my moderately undisciplined reading habits as an undergraduate and graduate student to solve the problem of what to do with my furry marauders. I was amazed at how much applied. We will see if the steps involved work.
1. Establish Hamlets to control your population in safe havens with a minimum of economic disruption. There will be no more free ranging for the time being, and everyone stays in the chicken run during the day and in the secure chicken house at night.
2. Defoliate the enemy's hiding place to make him vulnerable to direct attack and to limit his ability to conceal his operations. Defoliant (Roundup TM)has been applied to all foliage around the chicken run.
3. Force the enemy into daylight operations whenever possible. All chickens must be in the secure chicken house by 5:30 each day. No night-time strolls for the girls for quite a while. No exceptions.
4. Employ the advantages of overwhelming technology with ruthless efficiency whenever possible. That essentially translates to hav-a-hart live traps properly baited and the immediate use of firearms when possible.
5. Regular foot patrols, with dogs of course.
Fortunately, I don't have to worry about hearts and minds types of programs, politically motivated rules of engagement (except for my own self-imposed one of not using poison on animals), and the press is not a problem. Hopefully, the offenders will be neutralized soon, and my girls and I, along with Chanticleer the rooster, will be able to order replacement chicks and return to the blessings of peace on the farm.
This is my first attempt at such an operation without Pat, so wish me luck. We have not had Weasel problems here since they decimated a pen of Bobwhite Quail about three years ago, But like the Vikings and the Saxons (my own ancestors) before them, they just keep coming back!
2 comments:
The dreaded Varmint Cong are at it again! Don't let them through the wire.
My guess is that the press will quickly latch upon this and you will have a struggle on the home front winning the hearts and minds of those who just adore all things "cuddly". Of course, none of them have met the "enemy", but they are sure that they are really nice and just misunderstood.
Soon you will be faced with at least a dozen protesters denouncing your reactionary support of Colonel Sanders' dictatorship and calling you to end your western imperialistic colonialist speciesist aggression on the peaceful weasels of Fairfield County.
I can see the T-shirst of Che Mustela being sold now.
Second night out under the new protocols and no friendly losses. Did capture one foreign fighter in the traps, a moderately sized very wet and angry raccoon. He has gone to fulfill his destiny, and the neighbor told me tonight that her koi pond got cleaned out last night (about 16 young fish lost), which explains the wetness of the intruder. Still no protesters, but then the University contingent has yet to show up. We are thinking about printing tee shirts to sell to them when they come. There ought to be some way for a capitalist to make money off of this.
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