A Very Difficult Day

Where it all began

I fell in love with The Book of Common Prayer while attending a regimental Chapel in the early 1970's.  By the middle of that decade, I was a regular attender at Christ Church Lexington where The Rev'd Father Moultrie McIntosh inspired me to seek God's will for my life.  The music, the liturgy, and the architecture were inspiring to say the least.  It was another 15 years before Rebecca and I decided to be confirmed at Trinity Church in Columbus, Ohio.  I knew where the church seemed to be headed, but hoped against hope that either God would send a revival or that at least things wouldn't go completely south on my watch.  I really did know better, but I have always been a bit of a niave optimist.  I suppose it has something to do with my desire to avoid conflict as much as I can (and more than is healthy.)  And now here we are.

This morning, when I read Canon Jim Lewis' letter on the Diocese of South Carolina's website http://www.diosc.com/sys/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=435:bishop-lawrence-meets-with-clergy-of-the-diocese-of-south-carolina-following-general-convention&catid=1:latest-news&Itemid=75, I had a gnawing sense that my world was falling apart around me.  Somehow, knowing that South Carolina was there and ever so orthodox has long been a source of comfort to me.  It seemed to confirm that my decision to stay in the church was right and true.  I am still here and so are they, but somehow the sensation of finality seemed and still seems to cover me like a shadow. 

I've spent a lot of time today thinking about what might have been.  Generally that is a very bad thing to do, but as a part of my grieving process, I decided to indulge myself a bit today.  During my musings, I came across the following analysis in The Beauty of Holiness: The Caroline Divines and their Writings, by Benjamin Guyer.  "James VI and I proactively sought peace with his European neighbors and also sought to pave the way towards an ecumenical council.  The king cultivated relations with groups as diverse as the Greek Orthodox and Dutch Reformed churches, and sought to use the French Protestant Synod of Tonneins as the basis for reconciliation between the Lutheran and Reformed churches.  He also sent a small delegation to the reformed Synod of Dordrecht (Dort) in 1618-19.  Royal involvement in each of these was due to the king's conciliarism."  Here was a good man with lots of issues and situations (King James) doing his best to do what he believed was right.  Almost none of it worked out in the long run, but he did the best of things in some of the worst of times. 

I have found real comfort in his example today.  I do hope I can do as well in being faithful to my vows as a priest as he was to his as a king.  Many years ago, I had the following exchange with Bishop Thompson:
The Bishop says to the ordinand
Will you be loyal to the doctrine, discipline, and worship of
Christ as this Church has received them? And will you, in
accordance with the canons of this Church, obey your bishop
and other ministers who may have authority over you and
your work?
Answer
I am willing and ready to do so; and I solemnly declare that I
do believe the Holy Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments
to be the Word of God, and to contain all things necessary to
salvation; and I do solemnly engage to conform to the doctrine,
discipline, and worship of The Episcopal Church.
Things have changed a great deal since that day.  Things changed a great deal today.  I would argue that the General Convention of the Episcopal Church has indeed "Walked Apart" and would agree with Bishop Lawrence that it would be wrong for me to act as if everything were "business as usual."  But my promise to Bishop Thompson, who stood in the place of Jesus Christ, still stands.  It is still as valid and binding as my marriage vows to Rebecca and as my vow to "Uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic." 

And so at the end of this day, I do not know what the future holds, but I know that I will be true to my vows.  I will pray for Bishop Lawrence as Canon Lewis requests.  I will be faithful to Jesus Christ and to these people among whom he has been pleased to place me.  As Martin Luther said, "Here I stand, I can do no other.  God help me."