Hermit for a Day!

To live in a cave with a dog for a day,
is a dream often sought by a boy!

The last few days have marked one of those uninspired low spots that occasionally characterize my life.  I am neither discouraged nor depressed.  I go to work and do my job and have no lack of purpose or meaning.  But the inspiration to do great things or to be great simply isn't there.  In such times the colors on the farm seem a bit more vivid and the chatter of the birds more melodic than usual.  While I don't necessarily dislike people in general during these times, I find that I seek out my own company and more solitude during these short interludes of thoughtfulness.  I generally wake earlier than usual, and avoid main highways or congested streets in town.  The garden holds more fascination for me, and the small things, the ever changing things there, draw me in like Mesmer's bauble.

There was a time when these short flights caused me to wonder if I might be called to a monastic vocation.  I remember visiting a Trappist house and corresponding with one of the brothers there for two or three years.  His counsel was timely and wise, and I fell in love instead.  Then there were occasions when I toyed with the idea that such times as these might mean that God was getting ready to call me to another field of endeavor.  But an older and wiser voice told me that far too many clergy blame their inability to weather the storms of life or to experience the kind of intimacy which really makes them a part of a community of faith, on God's call.  It is easier to find self-esteem in being the misunderstood and maltreated itinerant than in weathering the squabbles and personality clashes necessary to really belong to a particular nodule of the family of God.

Perhaps it is because sometimes I feel so old, but I am coming to see these times of lowness as gifts from a loving heavenly Father.  He knows that I can only handle so much significance, and he occasionally gives me a break from the rat race of modern life.  When I played at being an academic so many years ago, on occasion I would get tired of reading significant literature or meaningful history, and would read something totally mindless- like "Conan the Barbarian" or Lord Home's musings on his patrimony.  I always seemed to come away refreshed and ready to go back to the library or the classroom.  There were times when as an Army Chaplain I simply needed to wear civilian clothes and call people by their first names.  And now God gives me the gift of the willingness to walk away from things, some of which are rather important, for just a little while to rest and refresh myself.  The change in mood or perception doesn't mean that he is calling me to another place or another job.  It is just a way that he can give me a break to preserve my spiritual and mental health, and probably my physical health as well (for after all they are one and the same.)

And so, from a soon to be old man who has been a bit tired of late, I hope you too will be able to find a time and a place apart- and to enjoy it as the gift of a loving heavenly Father who wishes your best, and your wholeness.