Dealing with Disappointment

Proper 6B, Third Sunday After Pentecost, Second Sunday After Trinity
Preached at St. John’s Lancaster 17 June, 2012

I Samuel 15:34-16:13
Psalm 92
II Corinthians 5:6-17
Mark 4:26-34

Disappointment, and the grief it produces, can be a terrible thing. Samuel was not the only one to experience that reality. Saul had been everything anyone could want in a king, and Samuel had been especially blessed to have had a role in his call and in his training. The young monarch was good looking, strong, well spoken, and brave. And in the end those things made him trust in himself more than he trusted in God. The results were predictable: pride, followed by arrogation of power both spiritually and personally, followed by jealousy, followed by paranoia, followed by violence, followed by rejection from office by God, followed by death. Along the way, Samuel remembered the good days before all of those things started to happen, and he grieved for Saul, and he grieved, and he grieved. Have you been there? Are you there? The loss of a loved one, bad health, or difficult relationships all have the potential to rob us of joy and preoccupy us with grief over our loss and our changed situation.

I believe today’s lessons provide us with some important guidelines for dealing with the kind of grief that consumes us when we experience some great loss, and I hope you will walk through the Bible Propers with me today with an open heart, that we all might begin to receive that healing God wishes for his people.

First- we must all remember that grief is a normal response to loss. Jesus wept at the grave of his friend Lazarus. It is also an appropriate response to the immanence of a changing situation, one of those things which will change the way we have lived. Jesus, you remember, sweat great drops of blood as he prayed in the garden on that night before he was crucified. You may remember that Jesus also cried out over the city of Jerusalem, and expressed his grief over the coming destruction of the inhabitants of that city. There is nothing wrong with expressing those dreadful feelings that sometimes assail us all. Certainly we are allowed to address our emotions, and sometimes the intensity of our emotions prevents us from healing in a short period of time. I’m not a psychologist, but in one of the dark periods of my life, one told me that human emotional pain can take up to a couple of years to heal, and sometimes our lives can be dominated by grief and sorrow for weeks or even months before we begin to heal and return to some semblance of balance and joy.
With that said, how do we begin the process of returning to some semblance of normalcy after a great loss in our lives? Samuel got a good start when God reminded him that the new reality was here to stay. Saul was rejected- and that was not going to change. Sometimes I really wish I could talk with my dad again, but he is dead and I will not see him until we rise together to meet Jesus in the air. All of the wishing and crying in the world will not bring him back. I did both of those things for a while, and that was normal and ok, but in due time I had to let him go. It is the way of nature- it is the way of God. Sometimes Mom asks me why he had to die. My answer is simple. He was ninety years old and he had cancer and he died. There are many things in this sinful world that I might like to change, but I am not God. (Some of you are probably thinking that that is a good thing- I agree with you.) Reality is something that we can’t really change, and it behooves us to come to terms with it.
After calling the Prophet to a reality check, God gave him a mission. Samuel had several questions about it. He was afraid, and rightly so, because Saul was still the king and would probably see the mission as an act of treason. And Samuel really didn’t know what he was looking for in this brave new world. But God gave him something to do. There comes a time in our grieving process that we must get up and get active. It is not easy, not for Samuel and not for us. But if we sit and mope we become morbid and the willingness to live goes out of us. In the old days, there were set times for mourning where family members wore black and limited their social contacts. At the end of the period of mourning, they changed their clothes and resumed their customary activities. It was not such a bad custom, because it provided a known framework for re-entering regular human activity after setting aside time for seriously mourning the loss of a loved one. Today, we do not have formal guidelines for when we should be getting back in the saddle after a time of grief, but I am told by my friends who claim to know about such things that by the end of three of four months we should be out and active again, even though we realize that things will not be as they were.

And so lets review:
It is normal to grieve when there is a big change in our lives.
After an appropriate time of grieving, we need to come to terms with the reality that our reality has changed. That takes a bit of time, several weeks at the least.
In order to experience a return to wholeness, we should get busy in some purposeful way after an appropriate time of sorrow. While everything will not be back to business as usual, by month four, we should be beginning to return to some sense of productive purpose in our new reality.

But, grieving and facing reality and being purposely busy are not nearly enough to overcome the hurt that accompanies the significant changes in our lives. You know that and so do I. Our second lesson, the one from Second Corinthians, gives us the real secret to moving on with our new reality. It calls us to a renewed faith that God is in control and that he has a plan for each and every one of us. “We are always confident…for we walk by faith, and not by sight…for the love of Christ urges us on…he died for all, so that those who live might live no longer for themselves, but for him who died and was raised for them. From now on, therefore, we regard no one from a human point of view, we know him no longer in that way. So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!” It is not after all about just bucking up and staying busy. That is a very shallow way to deal with grief. Those things had their place in Samuel’s life, and they have a place in ours, but the reason that methodology worked is because Samuel, like Paul, believed that God holds us all in the palm of his hand. He believed that God “keeps us as the apple of his eye and hides us under the shadow of his wing.” His faith and his experience worked together to convince him that God does love us, and that because of his love we are new creatures. In God’s love, we are able to view life with a sense of forward looking optimism which enables us to keep the events of our lives in perspective. We value the past, and we treasure much about it, but because Jesus Christ is risen from the dead, we know that the death and sorrow and hurt of our past is redeemed as is his own death and sorrow and hurt. He bore our sorrows on the cross, and brought to us healing and forgiveness and hope, and therefore we live for him. We no longer see people and events in the same light. We see them in a new and blessed light, because “the old has passed away- everything has become new.”

It sounds good, but on a bad day it still hurts so bad. And that is why Jesus said in today’s Gospel that it only takes a tiny amount of faith to begin to walk into this new creation of God. Even faith as small as a single mustard seed is capable of growing into a much larger and more peace giving faith. Jesus loves you, and he wants you to be healthy and functioning, not bound by never-ending grief or morbid inactivity. He does not demand that you get your house in order to receive his gift. He merely says to believe a little, like the mustard seed. Don’t worry about what you don’t have, rather bring what you do have. You believe that Jesus died for you and was raised from the dead. And so now you can live above that human point of view that perhaps has characterized your life. You can accept his gift of new creation. There will still be days when you remember the past with fondness and some sense of sadness, because your disappointment and loss, like that of Samuel, was great. But by God’s gift and grace, you will find a spiritual peace which will enable you to experience that new creation where purpose, and future focus, and peace are the norm. And as you experience this new creation which comes from believing in Jesus, you will sing with the Psalmist our Psalm appointed for today:

It is a good thing to give thanks unto the Lord, and to sing praises unto thy Name, O most High:

To show forth thy loving-kindness in the morning, and thy faithfulness every night,

Upon an instrument of ten strings, and upon the psaltery; upon the harp with a solemn sound.

For thou, Lord, hast made me glad through thy work: I will triumph in the works of thy hands.

O Lord, how great are thy works!

Might God do a work in our hearts today that will make each of us abundantly aware that we are a part of his new creation in Jesus Christ. And might each of us heed the practical examples of today’s lessons and respond to his grace
By honestly experiencing our grief
By acknowledging our reality
And by living lives of purposeful activity.

In the Name of God Almighty, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Building Bridges Through Honest Scholarship, Well Reasoned Faith, and Love

The Rt. Rev'd Michael Nazir-Ali

Today, twelve of us from St. John's travelled to Trinity School for Ministry in Ambridge, Pennsylvania to hear Bishop Nazir-Ali speak about who Jesus is.  As always, I was deeply impressed by the humility and scholarship of this man of God.  His willingness to seriously consider the beliefs of others very different from himself as he develops and shares his own faith always impresses me, and calls me to learn from others.  As he reviewed the beliefs of devout and serious scholars from Islamic, Hindu, and secularist traditions about our Lord, I could not but remember the admonition in Proverbs 27:17 that "Iron sharpeneth iron."  His review of the scholarly debate between the Cappodocian Fathers and early Islamic scholars was balanced, respectful, and profound, and at the end of the day he called us all to reaffirm the creedal faith of our Holy Mother the Church that God is One: Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. 

I was particularly moved by his admonition that we all be willing to move from our traditional methodologies of living the Christian Faith into a new era wherein we would allow the light of Christ to shine forth through our lives by knowing when to give thanks for light in the professions of others, even when that light is incomplete or misunderstood.  He modeled for us a methodology of true dialogue.  In an age in which dialogue is seen by so many as merely an exchange of ideas, he defined dialogue is its historic sense as careful scholarly debate designed to find truth- the truth of God for all people.  He exhibited a rare ability to find the good and the true in others, and to call them to develop a deeper understanding of that truth in a way which would lead us all to God together.

Thank you Bishop, for helping me to see opportunities where so many see only difficulty and division.  thank you for giving me a concrete model whereby people of good will might seek truth together.  Thank you for acknowledging honestly the very real differences between the great belief systems of the world, and for preserving the unique proclamation of the Church that Jesus is indeed our Saviour and our Lord.

A Charge to Our Graduates

Charge to the Graduates

I Samuel 8:1-22, 11:14-15

Preached at St. John’s on the second Sunday after Pentecost- Proper 5 B

May the words of my mouth, and the meditations of our hearts be alway acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, our Strength and our Redeemer. AMEN.

Today we honour those who have graduated from school and stand at a great milestone of their lives. I will be preaching to them, and the rest of you are more than welcome to listen in. Mr Verger, would you please escort our graduates: Ashley, Alana, and Andrew, to the seats prepared for them in the transcept? (here shall the graduates be escorted to their seats.)

I congratulate you today on the occasion of your graduation. You have worked hard, and hopefully had fun, and now you stand at the beginning of the next stage of your lives. It is only fitting that we as the people of God should share with you the wisdom of God as you begin this great adventure. St. Paul wrote to the young Bishop Timothy (II Timothy 3:16) that “All scripture is given by inspiration of God , and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” Blessed Archbishop Peter wrote to the Church at large (II Peter 1:21) that “prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost.” And so today we look to God’s word written for direction and comfort as we admonish you on this momentous day. When St. Paul, the Apostle to the Gentiles, Wrote to the Church at Corinth (I Corinthians 10:11), he reminded them that the stories of Scripture are given us for “…ensamples, and they are written for our admonition…” St. John the Beloved, writing to the Church at large (I John 5:13) continued this theme by pointing out that “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God: that ye may know that ye have eternal life, and that ye may believe on the Name of the Son of God.”

In this spirit, we come to today’s first lesson from the First Book of Samuel, and there we see in the history of God’s people Israel a poignant lesson about how we ought to order our lives, and how we ought to make decisions about our future. Samuel was a mighty man of God, selected to lead God’s people at a critical time in their history.  As he grew older, he sought to provide for a peaceful transfer of power by establishing his sons Joel and Abiah as Judges in Israel. Unlike their father, they proved to be horrible leaders. “They walked not in his ways, but turned aside after lucre, and took bribes, and perverted judgment.” (I Samuel 8:3) The leaders of the people came to Samuel with a well intentioned plan for reform, and called for the establishment of a monarchy, “like all the nations.” The old man was crest fallen. He knew that God’s plan was for Israel to be a nation set apart for great things, a nation of priests who would prepare the way for God’s grace to enter the world, to deal directly with God, and to not follow in the ways of power and pride and worldliness. The leaders of the people meant well, but they did not stop to consider the ways of God as they made their decisions, and the unintended consequences of their actions led to tyranny and oppression in Israel, and set the stage for rebellion and suffering in the years to come.

As you face the next step of your lives, away from mom and dad for the first time, it is fitting that we should examine the failure of these well intentioned people so that you might not make the same mistakes they made, and so that your lives might be lived in keeping with God’s plan for each of your lives.

Today, on this “first day of the rest of your lives,” I would admonish you to consider three things that grow out of their experience, that you might live lives of beauty and faithfulness, and be known as the children of a loving Heavenly Father


First, I admonish you to consider your motives carefully and honestly, that you might make good decisions.
Second, I admonish you to carefully consider the clear commands of Scripture, that none of your decisions would conflict with God’s word written.
Third, I admonish you to remember that you are created in God’s own image, the “Imagio Dei,” and that reason, a significant element of that image, should guide your decisions as you plan and prepare for the remainder of your life.
The children of Israel meant well, but I would submit to you that they did not adequately consider their motives as they sought to be like “all the nations” of the world. The results were disastrous and included conscription, loss of liberty, and eventually rebellion against the God who had so blessed them and set them apart for his own work in the world. Perhaps the greatest model for examining our own motives is found in the traditional marriage ceremony of the Church of England. Three considerations are proposed for those who are determined to enter into Holy Matrimony, which is after a sense one of the greatest decisions any of us can ever be called on to make. (1662 Book of Common Prayer- explanation of Holy Matrimony)
“First, It was ordained for the procreation of children, to be brought up in the fear and nurture of the Lord, and to praise his holy Name.” The first consideration of you motives should be to consider your responsibility to others, and to the community at large. It will never do for a Christian to consider first how much money they should make, or to believe the lie that the end justifies the means, or that their own happiness or wellbeing should come first in the decision making process. That was the mistake made by Samuel’s sons. May you seriously consider where you start your decision making process as you determine your career, or your major, or your actions in the years to come. Your motives should always be determined by your love for God and for your neighbors. It is the responsibility of every Christian.
“Secondly, It (marriage) was ordained for a remedy against sin, and to avoid fornication; that such persons as have not the gift of continency might marry, and keep themselves undefiled members of Christ’s body.” Your motives should acknowledge your weaknesses and you should commit yourself to a life of discipline and hard work. In your studies, and in your personal behaviour, and in your relationships, you should always remember that the easy way, the natural way, and the shortcut, will have many unintended consequences that will affect your life for years to come. The failure to remember these motivating factors was the sin of the people of Israel, and they paid dearly for their desire to be like everyone else, instead of doing the hard work of disciplining themselves to the way of God.
“Thirdly, It (marriage) was ordained for the mutual society, help, and comfort, that the one ought to have of the other, both in prosperity and adversity.” It is only after consideration of others and the development of a sincerely disciplined life that the hope of human fulfillment and happiness is considered. Indeed, it is not stretching the text to say that it is only as we consider our responsibilities and discipline our lives that we can hope to find true happiness and that “peace which passeth all understanding.” (Philippians 4:7)
No greater pattern for examining your own motives has ever been devised.
Is your first desire truly to consider others and your responsibility to them?
Are you willing to discipline your life to reach your dreams?
Do you realize that it is only by putting others, and God, before yourself that you can find true purpose and joy in living?
Having examined your motives, it behooves you to consider whether or not all of your plans are in accordance with God’s word. Let me take another example from marriage. We human beings are very adept at what psychologists call rationalization. We can talk ourselves into just about anything, and convince ourselves that it is good, or at least ok. Imagine a man or a woman who after several years of marriage decides that they are not happy, and decides that it would be a fine thing to leave their spouse for a newer model, perhaps more physically attractive or with interests more akin to their own. They come up with a score of good reasons to make the change, but adultery, abuse, or desertion are not among them. Whatever their reasons might be, the Bible says that we are to stay married. And so their plan would be a bad one because it contradicts God’s plan and clear teaching. Or consider this: a student at a leading university sees an opportunity to enter a certain business or profession and make boatloads of money. But that business or profession is characterized by actions which destroy the environment, or which treats people made in God’s image as mere objects to be bought and sold for profit, or regularly takes advantage of good people and saddles them with crushing and inescapable debt. The Bible clearly says that Christians ought not to do such things, and therefore such a business or profession would not be appropriate for a follower of Jesus Christ to enter. Always check your decisions against the clear teaching of the Bible. If the Bible forbids the actions you are contemplating, you should do something else. The children of Israel wanted a king, even though God through his prophet said that to trust in a king would ultimately lead them away from reliance on God. They should have known better, but they didn’t stop to consider the consequences of their actions in light of God's stated will.

Finally, remember that you are made in God’s image, and that an important part of that image is reason. Think through the decisions you will make. Don’t live on dreams alone, but consider the consequences of your decisions. Know that all decisions have unintended consequences, and know that a thoughtful man or woman thinks through what those unintended consequences might be before committing themselves to any plan of action. The children of Israel thought it would be great to have a king like all the other nations. Samuel tried to warn them of the unintended consequences. “He will draft your sons into the army, and raise your taxes to fight unnecessary wars, and will force your daughters to be his serving girls. He will confiscate your property and give it to his friends and supporters, and you will in the end be his slaves. And you will cry out to God for deliverance, but it will be too late!” (I Samuel 8:10-18 paraphrased) But they had made up their minds in the heat of passion, and they did not think it through. They refused to listen to the prophet and they paid the price. Never let it be said that you set aside the great gift of reason that God has given to each of you. Employ it thoughtfully and refuse to let anyone drag you along through mere emotion. God has given you a gift. Use it wisely.

And now to recap:
First, I admonish you to consider your motives carefully and honestly, that you might make good decisions.
Second, I admonish you to carefully consider the clear commands of Scripture, that none of your decisions would conflict with God’s word written.
Third, I admonish you to remember that you are created in God’s own image, the “Imagio Dei,” and that reason, a significant element of that image, should guide your decisions as you plan and prepare for the remainder of your life.
Serve God faithfully all your days. Make good decisions. Remember who you are and the God who made you. And may your lives be blessed and bring glory to your loving Heavenly Father. In the Name of The Father, and of The Son, and of the Holy Ghost, one God. AMEN.

　

Flowers, and Memories of Those We Love

Yesterday morning, I harvested several beautiful yellow dinnerplate dahlias and arranged them in a crystal vase for wife Rebecca's office in our home.  She paid me one of the most wonderful compliments I could ever have received.  "Grandpa would have loved your dahlias."  I replied, "I didn't know he kept them."  She responded, "Oh yes, he always said they were as big as a dinnerplate."  I think it was the first time I have ever been cast in his shadow, and it is an honor indeed.

Ray Bonar grew up on the Ohio River and enlisted in the US Army just in time to deploy with General Blackjack Pershing's boys to Mexico in response to Pancho Villa's raid into US territory.  He was a trooper in D Troop, 12th US Cavalry, and had a horse shot out from under him during the war.  His leg wound ultimately brought him back to Ohio where he worked as a mining engineer, married Blanche, and reared three daughters, one of whom is my mother in law Twila.  Rebecca remembers him as a very old man who was quiet, squatted on the porch in a very curious position while entertaining a very special little girl, read National Geographic Magazine a lot, and was more than willing to spend time with his eldest grand-daughter, now my wife.  He chewed Mail Pouch Tobacco, and used to keep a pouch filled with prunes so that Rebecca could chew and spit with him when other adults were not around.  My wife worships his memory and treasures the love he showed to her.  I never got to meet him, but over the years I have heard so much about him.  I remember how when I posted to the 107th Cavalry and received my spur award, I felt close to him- as if we shared some common heritage or experience.  And now his little girl, my wife,  invokes his memory in appreciation of my dinner plate dahlias.  Truly, I am a man blessed by God.